I met my twin flame, Jim, at the end of September 2017. I had already been involved in the twin flame community because I knew I was a twin, but I had no idea that Jim was my true twin at the time. How I ended up in union with Jim was beyond anything I could have imagined.

Before meeting Jim I had, what I now term, a catalyst twin.  Some might call this a false twin.  But to me, considering we had all the telltale signs of a twin flame connection with the energetic connection, emotional clearings, all the bizarre synchronicities, telepathy, and even paranormal events related to our connection, I feel he was a catalyst twin. He was there to help me move through some of the final mental and emotional attachments (past conditioning) that needed to be moved through before a true twin union with my real twin, Jim, could occur. 

 I will go back to the beginning.  Before meeting my catalyst twin, I had no idea what twin flames were.  I had never even heard the term.  I was familiar with the term soul mates, but not twin flames.  I will not be getting into my experience with my catalyst twin in this article because it is just too long for this article.  The experience my catalyst twin and I had together was very complex.  But it needs to be known how I was involved in the twin flame community in the first place. 

One day when I was dealing with the triggers and obstacles with my catalyst twin and not understanding why I would be going through this, I felt hopeless.  I was at my wit’s end with it all and so confused about this bizarre connection I had to a stranger. 

During that emotional meltdown, I spontaneously heard the phrase “twin flame.”  

It came into my mind out of thin air.  Because I did not know the meaning of the phrase, I instantly looked it up.  Once I understood the meaning, the entire experience I had been having with this stranger for months suddenly made perfect sense.  Relief washed over me because I now had an answer for the mystery of what he and I were going through.  It was incredible the realization.

When I understood the meaning of the phrase “twin flame,” it not only explained the mystery of what had been going on with this man for so many months, but it was as if my entire life suddenly made sense.  The puzzle pieces of my life fused together in an instant.

My Past Spiritual Seeking

 I had been on a spiritual journey and seeking Truth for much of my life and much more intensely the ten years before I found myself immersed in the twin flame experience. My heart desperately ached to know what the Truth was. I had spent the last ten years deeply searching for Truth via self-inquiry and meditation.  I also had an experience in a restaurant many years before I dove into meditation that set me up for the twin flame journey as well. The restaurant experience was a massive glimpse into Truth, and I wanted to get that experience back permanently, and that is why I chose meditation as my tool to do it.  I wrote about that experience in the restaurant here:

https://www.quora.com/When-did-you-first-experience-your-awareness-was-not-stuck-in-your-head

Once I realized I was not only on a spiritual journey but surprisingly also a twin flame journey, I went on a search to figure out how to navigate it successfully. 

I felt I was already at the end of my spiritual search as I had already reached the Oneness state through years of meditation and felt as though I knew Truth.  I did not realize it at the time, but I was stuck in a phase that I now term “the spiritual ego” phase.  It is a phase that many of us get stuck in towards the end of our journeys right before full-blown Realization occurs. 

The spiritual ego phase is like a final test to pass through, but many of us fail at passing through it for a time. It often occurs due to psychic experiences one has.  I now see that there were a few more tentacles of the mind to dissolve before the full Truth/Heart could be known and lived in.  This twin flame journey would help me pass through those final layers of separation.  I wrote more about the spiritual ego phase here: https://zeropointshamanism.com/an-obstacle-to-union-the-spiritual-ego/

I spent many months digging headfirst in the twin flame community, trying to find any answers or guidance that I could for this miserable (catalyst) twin flame experience I felt stuck in.  It seemed like a trap or a no-win situation that I could not think my way out of.  I found many teachers, psychics, and healers online, and two of them were Jim and his business partner.  They were twin flames on YouTube doing videos about helping twins energetically on their journey.

 Jim was told by many psychics that he was a twin flame, and he would meet his twin and go into union with her in this life.  He wasn’t entirely sure of that idea, but having the ability to see energetically (through shamanic journeying) into the twin flame connection with twins, he could see energetic obstacles that may have been in the way of their union. Jim has a fascinating background that led him to shamanic journeying that I am sure he will write more about in the future.  I thought Jim might be able to help me with my connection to my (catalyst) twin.  So we had a video chat one day that changed both of our lives.

I should mention that not long before this video chat, I had Surrendered my twin flame journey to the Universe.  I had been fully honest with my (catalyst) twin about my feelings and gave it up to the Universe to deal with. I let go.  My catalyst twin, having too many emotional obstacles to overcome, could not go into union with me, and he said as much.  He was married with three children and, though he acknowledged the twin flame connection, the telepathy, and experienced many synchronicities, psychic, and paranormal events, as I did, his heart was with keeping his family intact for the sake of his children.  I believe now it was set up this way on purpose.  We were never meant to go into union. We were simply catalysts for each other for spiritual growth. Several psychics I visited told me my catalyst twin and I were married in a past life and we were from the same soul group.  They each said that we had a soul contract in this life for something specific.  They did not know what exactly.  But they said it was important.  I wrote a little about our experience together and how we met here:

https://www.quora.com/After-the-death-of-a-loved-one-did-anything-ever-happen-that-made-you-KNOW-they-were-okay/answer/Amy-Bergh-1

Meeting Jim Face to Face

So, after I gave up after feeling like I could not figure my way out of this dilemma with my (catalyst) twin, I was offered an opportunity to meet with Jim.  Even though I had given up and Surrendered the outcome, I felt I would go ahead with the meeting in case Jim could do some shamanic healing work on me because I was a mess.  I hadn’t slept well in months, and my nerves were shot. And even though I felt as if I had let go, I was still curious as to what he might see regarding my possible future.  It was difficult for me to fathom that I could go through something as crazy as a twin flame experience and not have something come from it.

Blindsided

 As soon as I saw Jim during our on-camera session that took place with him in Washington state and me in Texas, I felt I really wanted to know this person. How fun he seemed! His energy was intoxicating to me. I was so drawn to him.  But he would not look into the camera.  He was bouncing around all over the video, having a great time being goofy but oddly turning away from the camera again and again. I wasn’t sure what was going on. I could not stop laughing, and was he nervous, possibly? It was a very bizarre experience.  I felt like I had been drugged, and Jim looked like he had as well.  Neither of us was making much sense, just doing a lot of laughing and going in circles. We tried to contain the meeting within the parameters of the purpose.  But Jim was all over the place, and I wasn’t sure at all what was happening. I just knew that I wanted to be around this person.  During the conversation, I lost all interest in talking about my (catalyst) twin.  I just felt I strongly wanted to know Jim, and there was an intense feeling that I wanted to spend time with him. His business partner was on the call with us and she seemed as confused as we were about the chaos of the call.

His Eyes

At the very end of this bizarre session where Jim had been avoiding looking at me most of the time, he suddenly stared intently into the camera for just a few seconds.  For me, there was a flash of light through his eyes. A strong recognition.  An intense familiarity.  LOVE.  Pure LOVE.  I KNEW those eyes!  It was as though his eyes transcended time and space and pulled me through all dimensions to this incredible moment.  I saw links on a chain come together for this moment.  It felt as though our souls knew each other and recognized each other even if my mind could not catch up to what was occurring.  Even though we had never met face to face in this life, I knew him!  I KNEW him!  There was nothing to explain how I knew him, but I knew him!  This knowing, it was from beyond the mind. My heart knew the Truth of this but it would take a few days for my mind to accept it.

Disorientation

For the next few hours of that night, I was really confused. My mind was trying to catch up to what my heart knew. I was sitting in my house alone, and I could not make sense of what just happened.  I was blown away.  His eyes kept flashing through my mind over and over again, and I felt this intense love feeling that could not be explained at all.  It was as if the energetic connection that I felt with my (catalyst) twin and Jim had switched somehow only the energetic connection with Jim was instantly recognized, unlike it was with my catalyst twin.  That connection seemed to evolve, but this was instant.  It was different, yet also somehow similar.  I became very disoriented and confused and upset, yet excited at the same time.  I did not know what was going on at all. A few times I thought I might be losing my mind.

To make a very long story shorter, a few days later, the reality of what occurred settled in.  Jim and I spoke and confirmed what we felt – that we were most likely twins, and we needed to meet in person to be sure.  Just a few weeks later, Jim flew to see me in Austin so we could meet in person.  My sister, Carrie, whose ear and support I had during the entire twin flame journey (and who had received some energy work from Jim previously) offered to pick him up at the airport, while I finished working the evening he arrived. I would have picked him up myself but I felt I could not take off more work because I had missed so much work due to this twin flame experience. I felt I was going to be out of a job soon if I missed any more.  The catalyst twin situation felt as though it was, once again, stirring Kundalini symptoms up in me – symptoms that seemed to go dormant some years earlier.  Due to that crazy high Kundalini/twin flame energy, I had a lot of insomnia and was exhausted so much of the time that my job suffered greatly. And right after Jim and I had the video session, I was so disoriented by it.  Due to the abrupt shift in twins, I had to take an entire week off of work because I was so dizzy that I could not drive.  Carrie helping me out by picking him up was a Godsend, so that I did not miss any more work.  And I was glad she could be there for our first moments together.  I saw Carrie as a strong post of support for both of us to lean on while we made our way to each other.

Jim and I finally met in person in a restaurant bar in Austin with the three of us there: me, Jim, and my sweet sister, Carrie.  When I walked into the room, I was very nervous.  I had been letting go of my mind and trying not to analyze anything too much, but just go with my heart.  I felt that the Universe was carrying me on this journey now and I was not going to fight my heart with my mind or second guess any of it any longer.  Through many years of meditation, this had been what I found solace in, this letting go of the mind and falling into the infinite space underneath.  Most of the time, this allowed me to just go with the flow of things.  I had to remind myself of this as I was driving up because my mind started to go nuts and I was in a near panic state as I walked into that restaurant.  But when I walked in and saw Jim, I instantly melted into his loving presence.  He was so disarming and I felt completely comfortable after we hugged and sat down and quickly grabbed each other’s hands.  It was surreal.  The next few weeks and months after our union are a blur.  I am sure one day I will write more about those days too.

Carrie, a lover of photography and an amazing photographer herself, took a picture of Jim and I together just a few moments after we first met.  It was dark in the bar. Carrie said she could not see our faces, so maybe if we would hold the candle on the table up closer to our faces, the photo might not be too dark. She took the photo. No one noticed what happened in the photo until the next day. We were all stunned to see two flames coming from the candle pointing to Jim and I.  It only further confirmed what our minds could not fully comprehend, but what our hearts knew.